remote.

i sit down on the sofa. it is a moment i have waited over 13 hours for. the moment that comes a few nights a week when smaller versions of myself are in bed and i am on the sofa waiting for mr. mr. to sit down.

sometimes i turn on the tv. then sometimes i read. sometimes i compute. 

if i turn on the tv it goes to an innocuous sitcom, hgtv or maybe the news. but really, i'm all about waiting for the sofa and the man.

but then it happens.

i glance away, i ponder the arrangement of the candles on the table, or consider taking off my shoes. and in that blink the tv goes bad.

i mean really bad.

mr. mr. has remotely changed my comedy for something with aliens. or spies. or alien spies. one minute it's kelsey grammar, the next it's a 4 headed green thing with one eye and a desperate need for a 12 step program for anger management.

this choice of his is not bad. not good. not frustrating. not surprising.

it is consistent.

some nights the sum total of our differences boils down to steve carell vs. richard dreyfus. 

i can live with that.

it's a contest.

did you read the story about my mom and her cell phone? 

well, we have a New Winner in the category of, "Playing Tricks on Myself with my Cell Phone".

a couple days ago a friend, whom we will refer to as Shania (hey, if' I'm going to rename her, I'm going BIG), Shania called me.

Shania was driving to the cellular provider of her choice in order to have her Sim card switched over to a new phone. As she's talking to me, I hear her panic. She says, "Oh great. Where's my old cell phone? I have to have it to switch the information...." 

Long pause.

Do you see where this is going?

Yep. Shania realizes she is talking to me. On her old cell phone. While looking all around her front seat. For her old cell phone. Which is in her hand.

Who needs friends to play practical jokes on you when you can play them on yourself?