Referee. Coach. Fan.

Referee. Coach. Fan.

Nobody tells you that as your kids grow through life, your roles change.

I signed on to being a "mom" and totally knew exactly what that meant (said no one ever). But at least my role was clearly defined. Early on, my job was obvious if not ever easy:

A Good Mom will:

1. Feed child.

2. Clean child.

3. Do not misplace child.

When H&J were independently portable (ages 2-7), my role was clearly that of the referee. Their days were much like a basketball game. There was a scheduled game with other little beings, most of whom I had invited. I played "on the court" as they learned to interact. I blew my whistle when a player fouled. There was a set time frame for the game. And when the final buzzer went off, all players went to their own locker room for snacks.

A Good Referee will:

1. Establish the rules for the game. 

2. Enforce the rules of the game.

3. Determine when it is half-time (and provide concessions).

Later in their lives (7-13), the sport continued. They played at a higher skill level and we coached from the sideline. I called in plays. "Hey! Wear shoes!" or "Watch out- that guy is not playing fair!" or even "Time Out! We need to talk!". I wasn't actively running alongside them throughout the day, but they knew I was always on the bench. Ready to help. I knew the other players in the game, and had helped to choose a team that was a good match for H&J. 

A Good Coach will:

1. Practice and Execute the game plan.

2. Encourage the great plays; call for a Time-Out on the bad plays.

3. Make sure everyone on the team gets ice cream.

Now that H&J are launching their own lives, we find that we are definitely in the stands. Now don't get me wrong: we are actively engaged in their daily lives. In essence we are at every 'game', going to many of the practices and buying all the "I heart H&J" fan wear we can find! 

However, our role as a 'fan' is much different. It needs to be different. We need to be different. We need to cheer more wildly than ever before. They are entering a world that will criticize their every move, and we need to provide balance. 

When I watch my favorite team play, sometimes they make mistakes. I groan. I sigh. I wish they hadn't done that. And then I yell: "Get 'em next time!" And we move on. There are times H&J don't get it right. Surprise. And as a fan I can agree with their disappointments. But I don't leave the stands. I don't yell and get all crazy. I try really hard not to ever 'Monday Morning Quarter-back' because their heads are already filled with 'you-should-haves' and not nearly enough 'don't do that again and let's just move on'. 

A Great Fan will:

1. Believe so much in their teams that they paint their faces, buy the t-shirts and fight for bragging rights.

2. Cheer from the stands on good days and cry with the players on tough days.

3. Not get Technical Fouls for inserting themselves in the game.

Putting some labels on our roles has helped Mr. Mr. and I to set some boundaries. We have tried to give H&J age-appropriate responsibilities. We wanted them to handle some of their own issues while they were under our roof. If we managed everything (referee) until they left, then those first major conflicts would have happened when we were not there to coach.

I am not saying we got it right. I am saying that H&J survived. 

Red dress.

A little over 40 years ago, so the story goes, my mom tried on a new dress. She had gone to town with dad and they had stopped at a department store just to look.

Now before we go too far I should let you know that 'going to town' was a significant event. Our family farm was located nearly an hour from the nearest real town. Buying anything, especially a dress, was not a casual event.

So mom tried on the dress. A red dress. She came out of the changing room to show dad. She was pretty. Real pretty. Dad encouraged her to buy the dress. But instead she looked at the tag. She crumbled. It was far more than she was expecting, and far more that she thought they could spend.

She said no.

He said, "Listen, if we can't afford the dress, if money gets that tight... then we'll just have to increase what we give away."

What? Seriously? Yep. Give it away.

Dad did not believe that everything he gave to the church, God would return in exact dollar amounts.

But he did believe that if he gave generously to the Lord, then the Lord would provide for them.

Sometimes the Lord even provided a Red Dress.

Chlorine.

I found leftover chemicals for a pool that’s been gone for 3 years. The directions clearly state: can be safely rinsed down the drain.

Safely?

Just ask my husband and his friend Peter, who now refer to Friday as “the day my wife tried to kill us.”

I began rinsing and pouring said chemical at a very slow rate. Less than 3 cups had poured out of my 2 gallong container, when trouble first appeared.

Series of cataclysmic events as best I remember them:
Clogged drain.
Get pokey thing. Poke said clog.
Drain runs for nanosecond.
Clogged drain. Again.
Eyes watering. Senses blurring.
Get plunger.
Firmly pack all powdered chlorine into pipe.
Eyes watering. Senses blurring. See image of Gandolf in the utility sink.
Asphyxiate anything moving in the laundry room… including Gandolf.
Call for husband and husband’s brave friend.
Bail. Plead for mercy on the court.
Watch He-Men bravely attack drain issue.
Clear path for He-Men to bolt thru garage and suck wind from mother earth.
Taste and smell nothing for nearly 5 hours.
Treat everyone involved to dinner.
Cheat death and live to fight another day.

Road Closed.

The scene is this: we are driving down the highway , I am in the back seat with my brother. Dad and and mom in the front. We fly by a warning sign that says, "Road Construction Ahead". It is followed by another "Caution" sign, a couple "Detour" suggestions, and then finally the giant orange and white barricade with flashing yellow lights and a hugantic sign that says "ROAD CLOSED".

Dad slows the car down and says, "Hm. Wonder what that means."

It's not a question. 

He's not really looking for an answer.

He's just pondering.

By nature my dad is not a rebel. He is the very definition of coffee without cream. When he questions a department of transportation sign, he is not questioning authority. He does not think that rules don't apply to him. Nor is he looking for adventure outside of the stock market and a good round of golf.

He just honestly believes that there is no road that is truly impassible.

Regardless of the vehicle he is driving, the number of warning signs, or the complete lack of any other traffic, he is confident that he and his Oldsmobile Cutlas can make it.

I'd like to have that same confidence in my faith. That unswerving faith in God that regardless of the doubt, issues or barricades, I know that the road ahead is not really closed. Not for Him and therefor not for me.

ashes.

On my grandpa's farm (it really was as idyllic as it sounds) he had a burn pile. The common things of life would be burned, then he would gather the ashes into his wheelbarrow and spread them out over his garden. It was old school, but science backs it up. The potassium in the ashes benefitted the soil and therefor the plants. And my favorite: the strawberries.

Today God reminded me of that lesson from decades ago. How often I say, "I am burnt out". I feel as if I am a pile of ashes. Used and dry. Blowing around. No weight.

But even ashes are used to make life. Out of my burnt place He can grow things. 

If I let him gather up my ashes, He will re-invest me into something new. Something different. Something way cooler than a pile of ashes.

Things To Do List.

1. plan to be spontaneous.

2. wash down Advil PM with an espresso. evaluate effects

3. rally around something.

4. catch a cold. let it go.

5. sing a song of sixpence.

6. stop. smell flowers. go.

7. contemplate thinking.

8. run for president.

9. plan for cataclysmic event.

10. follow the leader.

stress relievers

ruffles

hot bath

looking at van gough's starry night

read isaiah chapter 10

listen to my daughter sing

listen to my son drum (seriously. stress reliever)

listen to my husband laugh

organize a closet

nap

plan a vacation

re-read letters from my mom

plan an escape

catalyst.

last week i was at a conference with 12,000 of my closest friends. it was held in an arena which is latin for: giant people bowl.

we had gotten excellent seats. front row. on the floor. near the sweat. during one session i went to the restroom. which involved walking up 70 steps. that's right- no restroom on the main floor. it was a 70 step hike to the mezzanine, which is latin for: only fools sit on the main floor.

at the end of my restroom break i waited at the top of the steps. the session was ending. and then it happened: the break. and 12,000 of my closest friends were headed up the steps right at me. i plastered myself against the wall as they began to pass. i remembered how much i loved my husband who was on the main floor and whom i would likely never see again.

my moment came. 2 incredibly large men joined me near the wall. they too wanted to descend to the bowl! i listened and waited. and when they saw a space in the onslaught of people they took it. they began walking against the current. and i, like a vapor, attached myself stealthily to them.

it was working! i was going to make it down the steps! i had successfully spirited myself into the wake of those brave leaders before me.

and... after 4 rows... they ducked into their seats... row 4... with 66 rows left to go... these giant men were gone like the vapor i had tried to be. and i stood facing a large amount of bowl people prepared to tackle me.

i ducked into their row. row 66. smiled as if i wasn't terrified. and waited out the storm.

note to self: if you're going to follow, know how far your leader is going.

what if.

i have a lot of 'what if' moments in my life. usually the rearview mirror kind. the ones that begin with, 'what if i had done [blank] instead of [blank]?"

the kind that begin with old thoughts and end with new regret.

it's actually quite paralyzing to live with this 'what if' mindset.

last friday, i stood in our front room and looked out the window. i had a, 'what if...' thought. and as quickly as i finished that thought, the Lord gave me a new thought:

'if there is a 'what if' then there is no God.'

a life changing moment for me. you see He is saying that either He is in control of all things, past, present and future, or else He is not.

either He directs our steps or

He does not.

high maintenance.

When it comes to friendships, I am high maintenance.

To be honest, I think we all are. 

It takes more than one friend to support me in crisis, to run fast with me in service and to help me find my mind when I've misplaced it. 

It is unfair for us to expect one Best Friend to meet all our needs. And by the same token, I cannot meet all the needs of any one friend. If we could do that, if we had the ability to be everything that someone needs, then they would not need Jesus. 

So I step back, and I am profoundly grateful for the Circle that supports and sustains me:

she who encourages me to clean my bathrooms

she who knows my husband and explains his wiring

she who has a pantry I can borrow from

she who leaves her door unlocked for my kids

she who doesn't believe me when I say, "fine. just fine."

she who travels to the ends of the earth to see me

she who holds me accountable for time with my Lord

she who holds my hand when jumping in a cold lake

she who sits on the beach with me for hours and hours and hours

she who has smoked a cigar and giggled at the same time

she who listens to me on No Filter Fridays and forgives me

she who grants me grace in the stupid places of my life

she who is consistent

she who is spontaneous

it just takes a lot of 'shes'. 

don't go it alone.

and don't be threatened by others.

hmmm. more on that one later.

quote.

I wish I had written this:

"It's impossible to love God in a hurry. I typically view the person in front of me as an obstacle to accomplishing my true mission, but Jesus viewed the person in front of him as his true mission."

Vince Antonucci in I Became a Christian and All I got was this Lousy T-Shirt. Now, that's a good read.

For me it is easy to sit here on a nice, sunny afternoon and ponder who will be such a mission for me. Who will the Lord put in front of me tomorrow?

But the reality is that tomorrow I will forget today's conviction. Tomorrow I will be

• frustrated by the clerk at Wal-Mart
• irritated by the fry chef at Burger King
• annoyed with the insurance guy who calls
• and fed up with the warranty people on the phone

and at those moments, I am looking at myself. I am focussed on the interruption to my life. And I do not see what He sees. 

How foolish I am.

Area Codes.

Never realized quite how much significance can be found in 3 little numbers. Maybe it's because our family is spread out, maybe it's because we've moved 79 times, maybe it's because our friends have all moved 79 times... not sure why. But there is huge significance in the Area Codes that show up on my caller ID.

319: someone from my home farm in iowa is calling

563: some member of my family in iowa is calling from their cell phone

843: the beach. friends on the coast of south carolina are calling to check in
772: the other beach. friends calling.

515: governor of iowa. or my friend kim. usually kim

608: who IS that??? oh yeah. friends that moved to madison a couple years ago. still do not have their new numbers memorized

770, 678: someone new to me because i'm new to here

262, 414: someone from home, remembering us right now

I like the use of the word 'code' in 'area code'. It implies secret. It is a hint of something special, someone special. A secret clue to give me a hint about the gift on the other end of the code.

Twinkies.

I miss twinkies. Frozen twinkies. Little sponge cake landmines filled with cream goo. I miss finding mom's secret stash of hostess products. Most of them have unfortunate names that are no longer politically acceptable, but still delicious nonetheless.

Not having twinkies is my fault. 

No one else's. 

Choosing to take some moral highway of self-depravation that will theoretically be rewarding.

But I have replaced the twinkies with a one pound bag of M&M's. 

Denied the twinkies because I am above that.

Embraced the M&M's because... because... because they are littler?

Playing mind games with myself hurts.

But I enjoy the company.

House Hunters.

We’re going to be on the HGTV show House Hunters! HOW do these things happen?!!
Simple “How to” list:
1. Email the producer. Describe our musical family and throw in a few jokes as well.
2. Answer the producer’s phone calls: be funny, witty, and try not to gush.
3. Prepare and enter our own home video: complete with children, jumpolines and a Top 10 List.
4. Answer the producer’s phone calls: Be funny, witty and try to sound as if producers call us all the time.
5. Sign a release form. Develop a meaningful relationship with the fax machine.

And after that? Well, we’ll let you know! They’ll be here on Wednesday to begin filming!

T-minus 12 and counting.

meltdown.

it was bound to happen. hard drive meltdown.

failure.

crash.

we use such terminal words to refer to this technology. very real, human words applied to this beloved family member of mine.

even in repairing it, mr. mr. referred to 'saving it'.

hope for a resurrection

transplant.

the most interesting part of it all is how nonplussed i was by the whole event.

my computer. my data. my work.

and mr. mr. more consumed with the failure than i.

i like him a lot.

Roasting of the Peeps.

That's right. Our Easter tradition now includes the Ceremonial Roasting of the Peeps.

Yes, we take those sweet little yellow sugar coated marshmallow treats, put on the end of a stick and stick them in the fire. But the cool thing is how the sugar caramelizes on the outside. Then smushed between a couple Keebler Striped Cookies and you have got a refined sugar buzz that should last until next Easter. (As long as the head doesn't fall off in the fire.)

It seems as if I should make some sort of profound analogy. Something about our delicate lives, thrust in the fire, returning even sweeter.

But honestly, nothing spiritual about this moment.

Just melting birds, dental decay and a lot of fun around the fire.

remote.

i sit down on the sofa. it is a moment i have waited over 13 hours for. the moment that comes a few nights a week when smaller versions of myself are in bed and i am on the sofa waiting for mr. mr. to sit down.

sometimes i turn on the tv. then sometimes i read. sometimes i compute. 

if i turn on the tv it goes to an innocuous sitcom, hgtv or maybe the news. but really, i'm all about waiting for the sofa and the man.

but then it happens.

i glance away, i ponder the arrangement of the candles on the table, or consider taking off my shoes. and in that blink the tv goes bad.

i mean really bad.

mr. mr. has remotely changed my comedy for something with aliens. or spies. or alien spies. one minute it's kelsey grammar, the next it's a 4 headed green thing with one eye and a desperate need for a 12 step program for anger management.

this choice of his is not bad. not good. not frustrating. not surprising.

it is consistent.

some nights the sum total of our differences boils down to steve carell vs. richard dreyfus. 

i can live with that.

it's a contest.

did you read the story about my mom and her cell phone? 

well, we have a New Winner in the category of, "Playing Tricks on Myself with my Cell Phone".

a couple days ago a friend, whom we will refer to as Shania (hey, if' I'm going to rename her, I'm going BIG), Shania called me.

Shania was driving to the cellular provider of her choice in order to have her Sim card switched over to a new phone. As she's talking to me, I hear her panic. She says, "Oh great. Where's my old cell phone? I have to have it to switch the information...." 

Long pause.

Do you see where this is going?

Yep. Shania realizes she is talking to me. On her old cell phone. While looking all around her front seat. For her old cell phone. Which is in her hand.

Who needs friends to play practical jokes on you when you can play them on yourself?

accountability partner hall of fame.

yesterday's post regarded the ridiculous gift from the Lord of moving an entire family to be with our family.

today, i would officially like to nominate peter jundt and his scary smart wife, heidi, into the accountability partners hall of fame. 

to move across the country to hold us accountable speaks of 2 things:

1. the jundt's depth of character, faithfulness and devotion

2. our depravity and need for accountability

how we see God's hand in this:

1. as we struggled for months to hear God's voice in this move, they sat for months with us and prayed

2. on the same day that john accepted the job here, peter lost his job there

3. heidi and i made a crazy 2.5 day trip down here to find a home for us

4. they were 'available' to help us move and spend 2 weeks with us here

5. heidi took isaac skateboarding while down here. she spoke to another mom at the park. and then the network began: one mom gave peter's resume to 3 contractors, who passed it on to 10 more firms and eventually peter got an interview, a call, another interview, and a new job

6. and the Lord was obvious. this one offer after 5 months of searching, eclipsed whatever else was out there.

7. in august i was bored. heidi and i took peter's computer and entered random 'things to do' on his calendar. including: buy a boat, make struedel, run for president and move to atlanta. we chose the random date of november 10 for 'move to atlanta'

peter's official start date has just been confirmed as november 10

when we entered it into his calendar he didn't even have an interview here

we are amazed

decades from now our children will look back at God's faithfulness and timing. their faith, like ours, will be stronger, deeper, richer because of this significant and profound moving of His hand in the lives of our 2 families.

they're coming.

seriously.

our friends, peter, heidi and their son isaac, have been a part of our life for years. even back when john had a comb and reason to use it, they were in our lives. 

we have walked thru the roughest seasons this earthly life can offer us. almost all of those seasons fall under the category of "losses". loss of family, loss of jobs, loss of passion, loss of nfl teams, etc. 

when the Lord called us to Atlanta, they helped us move. drove across the country and for 2 weeks unpacked, fixed, repaired, prayed, improvised and bridged a gap between what we knew and where we had landed.

and now the Lord is moving them here. to be with us.

WHO DOES THAT?

i continue to lose my thoughts in the middle of such unmerited, lavish favor from the Lord. He knew the most traumatic and brutal part of this move would be the separation from His people. we lost those who were comfortable, familiar, forgiving, hilarious, spontaneous, sensitive, and involved.

and then He sent them to us. 

WHO DOES THAT?